I always remember my friend kuya Allan from my previous work whenever I wanted to start the first few phrases of my 'goodbye' narratives.
He is right in saying when things are about to end, people like us tend to look back in retrospect.
2013 in general, as my immature mind would tell was not good to me. My Bipolar II disorder resurfaced after years of lurking in the abyss and took a huge blow on me for roughly 6 months. Low budgets, expensive anti depressants, frequent visits to the psychiatrists almost put my life in shambles. My health, relationship and work got severely affected.
The Bipolar depression faded but the curse didn't stop. I got involved in an accident which almost ruined my vacation. To add insult to injury, my phone got stolen right after I landed from our vacation. Yes, the phone is insured but its replacement almost took a lifetime, worsened by the poor customer service by the companies That I thought would help you in your situation.
When I thought loving someone could be at least my 'buena' for his year, I was wrong. It did fail and I was alone.
My outlook in life took violent swings when these things happened, telling me that there aren't to look forward to anymore, that life is meaningless, empty, and has no purpose. We are only but a tiny speck in the huge expanse of the cosmos (or even the multiverse - yay!), and our creation is just a result of randomness that occurred in the past.
But I forgot one thing amidst the major setbacks. That is, to be thankful.
I realized I still had an awful lot to be grateful for.
- I got healed from my depression. It does go to show that people with this illness should not be stereotyped, but rather can be recognized as someone who can still live a normal, fulfilling and rewarding life.
- I may have a severe depression but hey, my family and friends never left me. Never ever did cast judgment upon me and instead become more compassionate. Cannot be thankful enough for them.
- Thieves stole my phone but hey, it got replaced. It may have been delayed but it got upgraded in its newest version.
- Yes the accident was horrible but hey, it is my first time to travel, with my own money. How fulfilling was that? I even traveled twice this year!
- Thought that there's nothing to look forward to? Hey, I got a new house and finally transferred there -- so many things to do.. so many things still to be accomplished!
I guess whenever we feel terrible, we often polarize and focus on the bad ones. Human nature? I think so. I am just happy to eventually come into realization that the retrospection that I do now are just not about the bad ones but also balancing it with the good ones. Most importantly, I've gone through all of them, which makes life more exciting, challenging and memorable!
As another chapter unfolds, I pray for courage, wisdom and strength to face whatever lies ahead on the upcoming year.
As I have sent as a message to my dear ones, may God or the Universe or the particle that started the big bag that catapulted everything into existence (time, space and matter) bless us all and give us an exciting year of 2014!