This week had been very very hard for me. There were situations that I had just encountered for the first time. Indeed life is the best learning ground. You won't know what's gonna happen as your journey goes. It's really difficult for me to do this post as emotions surge through out my inner being.... mixed emotions actually. I do not deny the fact that i'm struggling from my sexuality and I accept who am I right now. I admit, I do engage and explore on some things like trying to mingle with someone who's having the same preferences. I even joined a community dedicated for such. I meet someone and they do ask for my number but I've never met one.

Absurd as it may seem but every time I was invited for a meet-up I always refused. I can't explain the chills and the nerves. Many people passed by and I can say for myself that I somehow missed the chance.

MELANCHOLY....

There was this invitation though that I had not resisted. It was from a guy who kept on messaging me ever since September of last year. I really do admit he is so gorgeous. At first, I thought that was just nothing so I just disregarded his message. I do look down at myself as well due to my low self-esteem and that makes the reason for my refusals. He did not message me for a long time and I already had forgotten him. However it was really unexpected on my end that he did message me. I thought that somehow this person is really interested. It really took a long process before I accepted his request to meet him.

We're supposed to meet at an establishment somewhere in San Pedro, Laguna however I don't know for what reason he immediately went home without even having a glance at me. I just don't know why he acted like that? things came in and out of my mind. Was he able to see me and didn't like what he saw? Am I like some monster of some sort? I just wasted my money and my time. I went home....

CONFUSION...

I already addressed my concern to my supervisor. I am planning to resign from my job due to a lot of reasons. First was my health, I think I should rest for a while since I had discovered that Something was wrong with the bone in my neck. Second was that it seems to me that I'm no longer enjoying. I easily get upset when I encounter irate callers and when I can't hit the metrics set. However I do hold back for the thought of the compensation I receive every month. The person higher than my supervisor talked to me as well and requested that I should file my resignation after I'm regularized. I had to think twice, that was my thought. However, this days that had passed and it seemed that I'm already coping up with my working environment. So my resignation letter and is not yet finalized and I'm like crazy as I'm indecisive as of the moment.


so goes life... whew...